He broke up with her.
She was shattered.
She was lost.
She was hurt, confused, speechless and became closed off.
She had no idea what went wrong. On the day he broke up with her, she didn’t say a word, she just stood there feeling confused and blindsided. She had so many questions in her head, the one question she wanted to ask was “why?”, she wanted to know why was he breaking up with her, why then, why not three months ago, last week, or even yesterday, why did it have to be on the day of their 5th year anniversary, but somehow she couldn’t articulate it so she just waited for him to finish talking then she went home.
For months she was asking herself questions like “was I no longer good enough, or pretty enough?” “was I too controlling, too demanding, too stubborn?” ” was I starting to bore him?” “did he find someone better than me?”. The problem with this was that she was asking herself all these questions instead of asking the person that broke up with her, only he had the answers to those questions.
She knew she was more than enough, and pretty. She gave that relationship her all and more, but something about him made her question herself, something about him made her feel inadequate. See, love can make you feel and do things you never imagined possible. He always complimented her, made her feel worthy and beautiful, boosted her confidence, always put a smile on her face and made her feel like she was the whole package. So what changed? Could he have been lying all this time? Could he have been telling her what he knew she wanted to hear? Could she have been the whole package but just not his type of package?.
After that break up, she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, she didn’t trust any man that claimed to love her. She stopped being attached to people including her friends, so that she wouldn’t feel the same way she felt when her ex broke up with her should they decide to leave. She flirted with a few guys, but everytime one of them wanted a relationship, she would block his number and stop talking to him. She did this to a couple of guys until she met a guy she really liked, he was patient with her, very understanding and caring.
He was the first guy she ever opened up to about what happened to her previous relationship, and that was only because he asked, so she felt like he was really interested in her and her story, and not just focussed on her physical appearance, and what she could give him. Things were so good between them, they went out on dates, movies, and felt connected to each other even in their silence, well that was until he said “I love you”, there was something about those words that made her go behind her walls again and close off. She remembered the last person to tell her how much he loved her, and how that ended. She knew this guy was not like her ex and that he didn’t deserve to be punished for her ex’s doings, but she just couldn’t bring herself to forgive her ex for what she did and move on with another person, so she slowly removed herself from the new guy, stopped taking his calls and eventually blocked his number.
At some point she came to the realization that her ex had so much power over her when they were together and he still had power over her even in his absence. She was depriving herself off happiness and something that had a potential of being great, all because she was scared, scared of opening up again and being vulnerable , which was understandable, considering everything that happened.
Not being able to forgive her ex was one of the reaaons why she could not move forward with anyone. She wanted to be happy, wanted to let love in, and wanted to be free, so she came to a point where she forgave him, not because she wanted to rekindle what she had with the guy she liked then blocked, she was doing it for herself, her emotional freedom, and to be able to let love in without pushing anyone away.
She still doesn’t know why he broke up with her, and for some reason she is no longer bothered and curious, because she believes that if he was meant to stay, he would’ve.
She is whole.
She is happy.
She is free.
The Open-Minded 