The Open-Minded

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The Light Within

There once lived a girl who liked to dim the light that was shining in her, simply because she was afraid of being too great, she knew it would intimidate some people, more especially the ones in her life, so to avoid being too great, she would belittle herself, play dumb, refuse being called smart and would often say “I’m sure anyone would’ve thought of that” whenever they told her that she had a very creative mind.

She realised at a very young age that she was capable of doing anything she set her mind to, at the age of fifteen she started valuing her alone time more, she preferred being alone than being around people , she had friends yes, however, she loved her own quality time more. For someone that liked being alone, she was surrounded by a lot of people , she was like a magnet, it seemed as if there was something drawing them to her, but she could not figure out what that was because she was an introvert, one of those introverts that become extroverts when surrounded by people they were comfortable with.

Whenever she had encounters with people, they would not part ways with her without mentioning that she gave very good advice, she was inspiring, she should consider writing a book, she knew just the right words to say to put a smile on their faces, some took it as far as saying she should write a book. Deep down she knew they were right, she too knew she was somehow good with people, she knew her words carried a lot of weight, and she wanted to do something about it, something that would reach a lot of people, but her fear of being great would always get in the way, well that all changed when she found a boyfriend.

He would always compliment her, and made her realise how gifted she was. He would always tell her there was nothing wrong with being great, and if anything, if she allowed herself to be unapologetically great, and stopped dimming her light, she would inspire and give courage to more people like her that were controlled by the fear of being great, and that if she wanted to touch lives like she said she did, that was one way of doing it, being herself and doing everything to her fullest potential while letting that light of hers shine as bright as it ever could.

There was something about how he said all those words, they made her turn her life around and be who she was always meant to be. Now she travels the world with her man by her side, inspiring and motivating people, and she is at her happiest.

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Akeelah and The Bee

The Society

What or who is the society?, well according to the dictionary, society is a community, people living together in a group or nation, but who or what is the society to you?

Some may say the society consists of influencial people, influencial in a sense that their words and opinions carry a lot of weight. Some even believe that the society could be the reason some men don’t want to be seen crying, it could be the reason some people are afraid of exploring their sexuality, it could be the reason some people feel boxed, like they are expected to to behave, dress, talk, and carry themselves in a certain way.

We often hear people talk about Societal Expectations and how the society kind of dictates how some people should live their lives. You and me are both part of the society, what role do you play in your society? Are you the person that’s always discouraging people? Are you the person that wants people to decide whether they’re a man or a woman, to make it easy and comfortable for you to address them? Are you the type of person that expects people to be married with kids at a certain age just because you achieved those things at that particular age? Are you the reason some people don’t feel beautiful because they don’t fall under your description and definition of what Beauty looks like? Or are you the reason someone wakes up with a smile on their face? Are you a person with an open-mind? Someone that lets people be who they want to be, someone who spreads love and kindness, someone who lives their life unapologetically and letting other people do just that?.

Society: be yourself.

Society: not like that.

Why is it that we sometimes let people’s opinions have so much power in our lives? Why do we fail to trust ourselves more than we trust other people’s opinions? What’s funny is that sometimes our lives are controlled by people we don’t even know and that don’t even know us. Let’s take social media for instance, when you post a picture of yourself looking cute and nice, one single comment from a stranger saying that your eyes are too small, or your ears are shaped funny and your legs are too small for your body, quickly makes you remove it and you start doubting yourself, forgetting that you posted that picture knowing very well how your eyes, ears and legs look like and that you’re beautiful regardless, it just took one person to point out things you already know about yourself, for you to have second thoughts.

You are beautiful, you are strong, you are capable, you are worthy, and most of all, you are enough. Stop giving people so much power over your life, they’re always going to talk, they’re always going to try and find faults in everything you do, and they will always have opinions about your life, and that is all they should be, opinions. Stop projecting your fears and insecurities unto other people and stop allowing people to project their fears and insecurities unto you.

“You are the author of your own life, don’t let anybody else hold the pen”

She was. She is.

He broke up with her.

She was shattered.

She was lost.

She was hurt, confused, speechless and became closed off.

She had no idea what went wrong. On the day he broke up with her, she didn’t say a word, she just stood there feeling confused and blindsided. She had so many questions in her head, the one question she wanted to ask was “why?”, she wanted to know why was he breaking up with her, why then, why not three months ago, last week, or even yesterday, why did it have to be on the day of their 5th year anniversary, but somehow she couldn’t articulate it so she just waited for him to finish talking then she went home.

For months she was asking herself questions like “was I no longer good enough, or pretty enough?” “was I too controlling, too demanding, too stubborn?” ” was I starting to bore him?” “did he find someone better than me?”. The problem with this was that she was asking herself all these questions instead of asking the person that broke up with her, only he had the answers to those questions.

She knew she was more than enough, and pretty. She gave that relationship her all and more, but something about him made her question herself, something about him made her feel inadequate. See, love can make you feel and do things you never imagined possible. He always complimented her, made her feel worthy and beautiful, boosted her confidence, always put a smile on her face and made her feel like she was the whole package. So what changed? Could he have been lying all this time? Could he have been telling her what he knew she wanted to hear? Could she have been the whole package but just not his type of package?.

After that break up, she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, she didn’t trust any man that claimed to love her. She stopped being attached to people including her friends, so that she wouldn’t feel the same way she felt when her ex broke up with her should they decide to leave. She flirted with a few guys, but everytime one of them wanted a relationship, she would block his number and stop talking to him. She did this to a couple of guys until she met a guy she really liked, he was patient with her, very understanding and caring.

He was the first guy she ever opened up to about what happened to her previous relationship, and that was only because he asked, so she felt like he was really interested in her and her story, and not just focussed on her physical appearance, and what she could give him. Things were so good between them, they went out on dates, movies, and felt connected to each other even in their silence, well that was until he said “I love you”, there was something about those words that made her go behind her walls again and close off. She remembered the last person to tell her how much he loved her, and how that ended. She knew this guy was not like her ex and that he didn’t deserve to be punished for her ex’s doings, but she just couldn’t bring herself to forgive her ex for what she did and move on with another person, so she slowly removed herself from the new guy, stopped taking his calls and eventually blocked his number.

At some point she came to the realization that her ex had so much power over her when they were together and he still had power over her even in his absence. She was depriving herself off happiness and something that had a potential of being great, all because she was scared, scared of opening up again and being vulnerable , which was understandable, considering everything that happened.

Not being able to forgive her ex was one of the reaaons why she could not move forward with anyone. She wanted to be happy, wanted to let love in, and wanted to be free, so she came to a point where she forgave him, not because she wanted to rekindle what she had with the guy she liked then blocked, she was doing it for herself, her emotional freedom, and to be able to let love in without pushing anyone away.

She still doesn’t know why he broke up with her, and for some reason she is no longer bothered and curious, because she believes that if he was meant to stay, he would’ve.

She is whole.

She is happy.

She is free.